Epic Rap Battle
This page is for Epic Rap Battle. You may be looking for another Epic Rap Battle, if so, ''click right here. '''Epic Rap Battle', also known as Epic Rap Battle 1, is a rap battle featuring two guys trying to get a girl's number. Lyrics Link: First off I wanna tell ya I enjoyed the pizza, Well it really wasn't great, but it allowed me to meet-cha. I'd like your number, But I'm not gonna leave a big tip to get it. Rhett: That means he's cheap and pathetic and if ya date him you'll regret it. 23% from me communicates, I'm generous, not desperate, and I can calculate. Link: Is she supposed to be impressed? Rhett: Well if you want a battle be my guest. Link: I'm a computer programmer and a cubical dweller, I disabled Spell Check 'cause I'm a stellar speller. When I write an email that includes an attachment, I never hit "send" before I've attached it. Rhett: Your job is a bore, I keep it hard core, Sellin' knives and insurance from door to door. You're reflectin' on a water cooler conversation, I'm givin' an incredible knife demonstration. May I interest you in some accidental death coverage? Or a hard boiled egg slicer? Link: I can change your computer wallpaper to a tropical beach scene. Rhett: Egg slicer. Link: I car pool, 'Cause I'm environmentally sensitive, I pack a snorkel 'cause I'm clever and so inventitive. Rhett: It's inventive, inventitive isn't a word Link: Yeah, I just inventited it, you just got served. Rhett: Well, when I car pool, I take a group of third graders, On my way to work I teach 'em multiplication tables. See, I'm a role model, an example to the youth. Link: Then why did this kid just tell me that 1x1=2? At the gym people line up just to give me a spot, All eyes on me when I'm poppin' a squat. My career Plan B is to teach P.E, The model on the machine is based on me. Rhett: I've mastered the art of mental manipulation, Workin' every muscle group through meditation. This is me workin' out my triceps, Pick up my DVD called "Mind Reps." Link: My sense of style, is sweet like syrup, It's not uncommon for people to think I'm from Europe. Rhett: I don't follow the trends, I'm a style pioneer, See this turtleneck, with a necklace? You'll be wearing this next year. (random dancing) Rhett: Is that all you got? Nope. Link: If I see buttons, I just push 'em to see what they do. If something were to go wrong, I'd just blame it on you. Rhett: I'm quick-witted, I always know just what to say. Link: Then say something clever. Rhett: Uh, ok. Link: I was offered a record deal while singin' at a karaoke bar, But I turned it down and became the president's karaoke czar. Rhett: I rescued a dolphin entangled in a tuna net, And donated it to an orphanage to keep as a pet. Link: I gave the Heimlich to a horse chokin' on beef jerky, Two hours later he won the Kentucky derby. Rhett: I'm allergic to nothin'. Link: I'm allergic to weakness. Rhett: I embrace my weaknesses and call them uniquenesses. Link: I can drive a stick shift. Rhett: Well I can golf. Link: Well I can make it look like my thumb is comin' off. Rhett: I invented the Half Nelson. Link: I invented the Full Nelson. Rhett: I've got a signed picture of Boris Yeltsin. Link: My uncle is a lawyer. Rhett: I roll my own sushi. Link: I use the metric system exclusively. Rhett: I know Morse code. Link: Well I can speak it: Boop boop boop boop boop, Boop, Boop boop boop boop, Boop, boop boop boop boop boop boop boop. Rhett: You just said that the square root of raspberry should be legalized. Link: Exactly. Category:Songs Category:Music Videos Category:Main Channel Videos Category:Rap Battles Category:Rhett and Link Appearances